"Experience is something you get too late to do anything about the mistakes you made while getting it."

"The Bill of Rights—The Original Contract With America. Accept no substitutes. Beware of imitations. Insist on the genuine Articles."

"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

"Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there."

"It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient."

"The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust."

"The trouble ain't that people are ignorant: it's that they know so much that ain't so."

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring family in another city."

"Pocket all your knowledge with your watch and never pull it out in company unless desired."